College football has sadly become quite boring and predictable. Let me give you the rundown on how this season will go:
The (insert SEC team here) will have their adoring local sportswriters announce that the (insert fractional Louisiana team here) are a much tougher opponent than they appear to be and they won't take anything for granted. The next day, when they have won by a score of 63-0, the victorious coach will praise the vanquished team for playing with a lot of heart. The adoring sportswriters will state that the reason they play fractional Louisiana schools in non-conference games is because the SEC is the Toughest Conference in the Universe.
During each halftime break, ESPN announcers will mention Tim Tebow at least five times. There will also be heated discussions as to which SEC team will eventually win the National Championship, and despair will be expressed that it is practically impossible for TWO SEC teams to square off in the Big Match, even though the Top Twenty teams in the nation are all from the SEC.
After the season is over, if a non-SEC player somehow wins the Heisman Trophy, there will be loud outrage expressed by the adoring local sportswriters about the unfairness of such goings-on. Claims of cheating, blanks ballots, and hanging chads will be angrily emitted.
In the unlikely event that any SEC team loses any games, there will be outraged claims of cheating, bad calls, and twisted conspiracies. I can't actually guarantee that for ANY SEC team, but I can certainly guarantee that that will be the case with the Arkansas Razorbacks and chief sports editor Wally "Bad Call" Hall of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.
Either Texas or Oklahoma will be ranked within the Top Three until a close loss, at which point the puny non-SEC pretender will be swiftly dropped from the Top Twenty.
The SEC Championship Game will be heralded as the Game of the Century, with commercial time going for approximately triple the price of mere Super Bowl ads.
The University of Tulsa will surprise everyone by going undefeated and getting a BCS invite. Before the game, however, the Hurricane coach will announce that he is going to coach (insert wealthy SEC team here) next year for 50 million dollars.
There, did I leave anything out?
